its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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