did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
