Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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