We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
