She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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