My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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