Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
