If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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