i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
