I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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