Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
