I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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