It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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