you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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