I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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