Well apparently he's into motor boating.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
how drunk are you?
Several
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize