I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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