girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
