you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
