i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
