it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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