its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
