Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
operation harelip BJ is a go
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
