"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
