please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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