remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
