you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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