i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
