Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize