so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
