I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we made out on top of his cat.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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