So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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