He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
