I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
