You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
third nipple confirmed
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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