I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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