I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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