i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize