he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
