Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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