Kiss
Puke
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
