Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
