Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
