It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
