masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
