Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
