hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
