why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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