Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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