try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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