Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
