this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
