yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
