I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize