nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
