I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
